Dial 411 for Phone Sex

When I was 13 I started dating my first boyfriend. An all American, Jamerican who played the drums and football; we were the perfect middle school power couple but unfortunately, it didn't work out so well. You know that saying, "once you go black, you never go back". Well, he was more of a "after me he went white, and since, only sees light."

I later dated this guy freshman year of college and that ended unfortunately as well. He was an NYU film student with ADD and a thing for conscious rap music, not my ideal mate, but at NYU, you're lucky to find one who's not gay. The tagline of that relationship would be "once he saw asian, he needed no persuasion".

A few rocky relationships and curt courtships after that and I finally found my prince charming. Right from the start he was very affectionate (held my hand like I couldn't walk straight without his support; which might have been true), very romantic (bought me various silly presents such as a frog holding an 'I Love You' pillow), and very communicative (always saying things like, "Wow you are so amazing. I honestly adore you!")

Like any suburban girl who grew up on The Little Mermaid, I ate that shit up. I loved it. I reveled in it. But, unfortunately those things cannot make a relationship last through something as traumatic as long distance. Millions of miles, the Atlantic Ocean and no frequent flier miles between us, I figured our love had run it's course.

But then, I discovered the secret to long distance relationships. Phone sex.

Now the first time, I won't lie, I was put off a little bit. It had been a month that we'd been apart, and when he called, we had a seemingly normal conversation.

"Hey. How was your day?"

"Good. The same. You?"

It seemed innocent enough, "Is it warm over there? What are you wearing?"

"No, its December in New York. Its fuckin' freezing."

"Oh, that's too bad."

And then, "Take off all of your fucking clothes, I'm gonna make you so hot."

It hit me like Mike Tyson; so hard I could barely materialize a response. "Huh?"

"I said, take. off. your. fucking. clothes. It's about to get real hot."

And logically my only response was a hurried, "OK."

Now, I don't consider myself a sexpert but thanks to my Libra openness to new ideas and experiences, I am, what I would call Kinorky (that's kinky and dorky combined).
So, I dropped my neon green,Victoria Secret granny panties (how come they are always baggy in the butt?) and he proceeded to replay all the sexy scenes we had ever experienced together and build sexual fantasies for us to experiment in the future.

I was addicted like Whitney. Phone sex is the new crack.

The End.

____________________________________________________________________ Sounds exciting, huh? What are you waiting for? Go, call your boyfriend, your hook up, anyone really, even your grandmother. I'm sure she can teach you a few things... ;) And then listen to this song... ridiculous yet intriguing.

Axe: Rachel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHOS9fY-uqc

Makeover!!!

Long Time No Nothing.

Basically, no more Brazilian debauchery because I'm back in NY (long story). However, there is plenty of NY neurotic-ness to provide the whole family with blog-style entertainment. So really, what I'm trying to say is that my blog is getting a makeover!!!


No more bikinis and havaianas; its time for Dooney bags and chai lattes bitches.

Ate Logo!

Carnaval: Debauchery at its Best

Well, Carnaval ended this past Wednesday and all I can say is: I have never so many straight men in womens clothing! Hahaha. Carnaval in Salvador is arguably the biggest party in the world. Imagine 3 different parts of town with live music, endless beer and alchohol, millions of people kissing, dancing, jumping, fighting and all of this happening from noon to 8am everyday for a week. Seriously, I could hear the bands passing from my apartment and the music didn't stop until about 8 am and would start at around noon. Spring break's got nothing on Bahian Carnaval. And of course it hadn't rained for weeks but as soon as Carnaval week hit, the rain just wouldn't stop. Nothing like a wet, drunk, dirty, sweaty, people making out with each other. Mmmm. And I should add that if thats too intense for you, you may want to check out Rio's Carnaval. Rio's carnaval is like golf, a spectator sport( not a bad spectators sport considering the beautiful costumes, music and infamous brazilian mulattas),

while Bahian carnaval, your playing in the big game. However, beyond the Debauchery, there is a lot of beauty behind Carnaval. The costumes, the traditional afro-brazilian blocos (or bands), and the history. It was a great experience that I can't wait to repeat a second time around. If you are booking your tickets to Carnaval 2010 already (which you should be), here are some of my favorite artists and music to help you get ready for your trip:

Ile Aiye: The leader of Afro-blocos that fought for Afro-Brazilian representation and a conquered a space in Bahian Carnaval. Beautiful Costumes. A Beautiful message of racial consciousness and equality. Beautiful Dancing. Simply Beautiful.



Ivete Sangalo: The Queen of Axé music or as I like to call her, the Brazilian Beyoncé. That bitch is fierce. One of the most popular singers in Brazil, with about a million hit songs including this years most popular song of Carnaval, she can def put on a show!




Olodum: Following behind Ile Aiyes footsteps, Olodum is another afro-bloco known for creating the Samba Reggae music style. Got a passion for percussion? Olodum is the place to be with hundreds of drummers and international fame, Olodum is a good time.




Timbalada: Arguably the best band to go out with for Carnaval, Timbalada is my favorite. Great music, great drumming, don't get trampled in the crowd of Timbaleiros dancing, jumping & running. Put on your tribal paint and buy your tickets early because Timbalada is that shit. period.



Parangole: Looking for the down to earth scene in Bahia. Thats pagode. Pagode is kind of like a Bahian hip hop. The lyrics are usually pointless, or about sex and the music makes you wanna shake your ass. Parangole is one of my faves as well. They are straight hood or what we would say "from the streets". Translation in Portugues: "Favela ê Favela. Eu sou Favela!"



Chiclete com Banana: Another super popular Axé band led by a funny looking, old ass singer. However, I must admit Chiclete is a lot fun. Their songs are catchy. They have a large following too with richer Bahians ( the chicleteiros/ chicleteiras). You'll spend more money to see them, but you'll def have a great time.



Psirico: Another pagode band, Psirico is new but def came out with a bang. They had the most popular song at last years Carnaval. "Eu te quero toooda; te quero todinha!" Danceable and fun. Turn them up and practice bouncing your butt to the beat.

Carnaval '09

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays!

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday this year. I miss you all, I miss home, however with Christmas already here, its obvious that the time is flying by. Before you and I know it, I'll be home. I wish you all joy, love and happy thoughts (like how I could've spent Christmas on the beach this year; that's a pretty happy thought). Happy Holidays!

Axe: Rachel

*notice how I was politically correct with the "happy holidays". hahaha. that's a remnant of attending NYJew (NYU).

O que a Baiana tem?

What's so special about Bahia? Where does this energy called axé come from? What is it that the bahians have that make them so attractive, so intriguing?

I think it may have something to do with this beautiful video by singer Mariene de Castro. Is it the water, the religion?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGpodXmqpSc

Axe: Rachel

Language For Dummies

Living in another country and learning a new language at 20 years old is not easy. Even after 6 months of studying abroad and 4 months (now) working, I still feel frustrated when I can't express myself adequately in Portuguese and make stupid mistakes instigating laughter by native speakers. I know that many people experience this as well however, no one's been successfully able present the complications of living and learning a new language as well as David Sedaris. Let me just add that David is one of my favorite authors and I was ecstatic and hysterical to read his dead on interpretation of the fear and embarrassment you subject yourself to when one decides to live outside the US and learn a new language.

" My fear and discomfort crept beyond the borders of the (french language) classroom and accompanied me out onto the wide boulevards. Stopping for coffee, asking directions, depositing money in my bank account: these things were out of question, as they involved having to speak. Before beginning [french classes], there'd been no shutting me up but now I was convinced that everything I said was wrong. When the phone rang, I ignored it. If someone asked me a question, I pretended to be deaf. I knew my fear was getting to best of me when I started wondering why they don't sell cuts of meat in vending machines.
My only comfort was the knowledge that I was not alone. Huddled in the hallways and making the most of our pathetic french, my fellow students and I engaged in the sort of conversation commonly overheard in refugee camps.
"Sometime me cry alone at night."
"That be common for I, also, but be more strong, you. Much more work and someday you talk pretty. People start love you soon. Maybe tomorrow, okay."
...Over time it became impossible to believe that any of us would improve...It was mid-October when the teacher singled me out, saying "Everyday spent with you is like having a cesarean section." And it struck me that, for the first time since arriving in France, I could understand every word that someone was saying.
Understanding doesn't mean that you can suddenly speak the language. Far from it. It's a small step, nothing more, yet its rewards are intoxicating and deceptive. The teacher continued her diatribe and I settled back, bathing in the subtle beauty of each new curse and insult.
"You exhaust me with your foolishness and reward my efforts with nothing but pain, do you understand me?"
The world opened up, and it was with great joy that I responded, "I know the thing that you speak exact now. Talk me more, you, plus, please, plus.""

-Davis Sedaris Me Talk Pretty One Day

Axe: Rachel